Tantrum in toddler; Why they happen, how to respond and tips to prevent it

TEMPER TANTRUM IN TODDLER

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Children, especially toddlers, have temper tantrums as part of normal development. Temper tantrums can be frustrating for any parent. But instead of looking at them as disasters, treat tantrums as opportunities to teach  proper behavior.

❇️ What is a tantrum?

A temper tantrum is when a child has an unplanned outburst of anger and frustration. Tantrums can be physical, verbal or both. 

They can throw tantrums like anger, frustration, crying, screaming, stiffening limbs, an arched back, kicking, falling down or running away. In severe cases, children hold their breath, vomit, break things or get aggressive as part of a tantrum.

 Tantrums are often disproportionate to the circumstances. In other words, children react very strongly to what is likely a mild situation.

❇️ Which age group?

Tantrums usually begin in children 12 to 18 months old. They get worse between age 2 to 3, then decrease until age 4. After age 4, they rarely occur.

❇️ Why does a tantrum happen?

▪️ Language development is developing. Toddlers can't yet say what they want so they get frustrated & throw tantrums.

▪️ Physical development is developing. Toddlers can't do what they want to do so they get frustrated and throw tantrums.

 *Remember....* As language & physical skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease.

❇️ Precipitation factor

🔹 Hunger

🔹 Tiredness

🔹 Wanting something like a toy.

🔹 Wanting attention of parents

🔹 Want to continue like playing at garden.

🔹 Want to move out of place like market.

🔹 Frustration like not able to touch button

❇️ How to handle it?

When child getting upset, immediately take action otherwise it will be full blown tantrum

🔶 Before full blown tantrum

🔹 Accept it

▪️ Accept demand & prevent tantrum

▪️ If you don't want to accept then go to step number-2

▪️ Maximum parents refuse demand & later accept after a toddler throws a tantrum.

 *Remember....* Try to accept maximum demand.

🔹  Divert the mind

▪️ If you sense a tantrum starting, but it hasn’t become a full-blown outburst, try to divert your child. 

▪️ Move out of the area, point out something interesting or engage them in an activity.

Remember... Don't accept the demand now even other family members insist on accepting it.

🔶 Full blown tantrum

🔹 Stay calm

▪️ Once your child is mid-tantrum, don’t threaten, lecture or argue with them. 

▪️ Doing so only makes the tantrum worse. 

🔹 Got 2 options

▪️ Ignore it

# Child will learn that all demand are unacceptable

# Learn to adjust.

▪️ Time out technique

# If you feel that a child will hurt themselves or others, remove them from that place.

#  Remove any dangerous object near them.

# Move to a quiet place and wait till the child calms down.

# Consider holding your child if your child is completely out of control.

🔹 Avoid 

▪️ Physical punishment

# Toddler will cry more if you hit them.

# Will learn to hit others in future.

▪️ Change your mind

# If you do that, children learn that tantrums help them get what they want. 

# Don't change even if you are at a shopping complex or a relative's home.

🔶 Post tantrum

🔹 Praise the child

▪️ Praise the child for calming down 

▪️ Child like recognition for good behavior

🔹 Redirect the mind

▪️ Rather than teaching, take a toddler to a new place where they can play or enjoy.

❇️ *Prevention of tantrum*

🔹 Lead by example

▪️ Don't worry your child is not listening, worry they are watching you.

▪️ If any of the family members get easily distracted and lose their temper then children will learn it.

🔹 Communicate with toddler

▪️ Don't underestimate their ability to understand what you are saying.

▪️Tell your child in advance if you’re planning to go to the store, a doctor’s appointment, or change his or her regular routine.

▪️ They may not enjoy the change, but it will help prepare them for what’s to come.

🔹 Praise the good behavior

▪️ Parents usually have a habit of telling their toddler what they do wrong. 

▪️ Better to praise them every time they do the right thing.

For example: If your child doesn’t cry in Doctor cabin, tell them, “I noticed you did not cry. Good job!”

🔹 Don't keep your child hungry

▪️ Children get fussy whenever they are hungry.

▪️ Make sure the child is getting enough food as it is the precipitating factor for tantrums.

▪️ If you are going outside, take some snacks.

🔹 Sleep

▪️ Toddler should get enough sleep otherwise they will throw a tantrum.

▪️ Make sure your toddler is well rested before you go out 

🔹 Give your toddler a lot of choices

▪️ Let your child choose which toy to bring in the car or whether they want paratha or rice for lunch.

▪️ Always choose to battle smartly with your toddler as these little choices won't make much of a difference to you.

▪️ Infact, it will boost their confidence.

🔹 Pick your battles.

▪️ Sometimes you can give in a little, especially when it comes to small things. 

▪️ Would you rather let your child play 10 extra minutes in the garden or listen to them scream for 60 minutes?

🔹 Put off temptation

▪️ Put all temptation like chocolate or valuable items like mobile phones away so they don't lead to battles.

🔹 Avoid situation where tantrum likely to erupt

▪️ If your toddler throws a tantrum at a market place then it is better to avoid marketing with them.

🔹Redirect the situation

▪️ If you spot an unplanned situation that you know will upset your child, redirect their attention.

▪️ Example:  if you know your child will get upset by police that you see coming down the sidewalk, take a different path, cross the street, be silly, or sing a song.

❇️ Contact Doctor

If temper tantrum is associated with

🔹 Hyperactive child

🔹 Delayed milestone

🔹 Delayed speech

🔹 Breath holding spell

🔹 Not able to calm down for long period

🔹 Lot of violence

Dr Ashish Agrawal, Paediatrician and expert in child behavior, education and developmental problems.

Ph: 8888126037, 8483905330, 7057551985

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