Difference of opinion between teenager and parents, causes and how to overcome?

Adolescent part 2

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 CONFLICT WITH PARENTS

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 Parents emotionally abuse you as a part of discipline and obviously you will feel bad.

🔴 Remember

▶️ Your parents are the best well-wisher

▶️ Parents have good intention when they shout on you

▶️ Maximum times they taunt you because they feel it is not age of scolding or beating

▶️ Why parents shout instead of discussion?...  Maximum parents don't know better style of parenting

🔴 Topics of argument

▶️ Choice of career

If you wish to choose a  career against  parents wish.

▶️ Grades

The conflict occurs if parent expectation are not met or getting fewer marks

▶️ Commitment

If you are not working hard for your goal.

▶️ Mobile

If you're spending a lot of time on mobile, or social media or television

▶️ Curfew

Parents want you to be at home and you denied it. Parents get worried if you are not presenting at home when you are supposed to be at home and worried parents become scolding parents.

▶️ Personal appearance

Tattoos, hair style, heavy make up, or short skirts are an easy way to pick up fight with parents who value traditional outfit.

🔴 How to handle the situation?

If you had conflict with parents.....

▶️ Respect them

They deserve respect from you as they have sacrifice everything for you including money, time, and their dream.

If you find yourself in a situation with your parents where you get angrier, keep calm ....

# count 10 slowly

# Take deep breath

# Take a break with permission as avoidance of discussion is important for time being

also watch your body language as non-verbal communication is also important....

# Don't roll eyes

# Don't make vulgar hand gesture

# Don't glare

# Don't clench your fists

▶️ Response

🔹Group A:  Think if you are wrong, apologize wrong doing & promise not to repeat in future

apologize for your mistake

# Own up your mistake and  make a sincere apology to them. 

# Always tell the truth. I hope you can forgive me. # Give assurance of not repeating same mistake 

# Can decide punishment if you repeat same mistake.

▪️ Don't use excuses for what you did

# Excuses undermine apology because it looks like you are passing blame to someone or something else

🔹Group B: If your scolded for unknown reason, past results or present performance in spite of hard work, Time out is best

 ▪️Let them know

# If everyone is peaceful, you can request your few problems against parents. 

# I understand & appreciate what you are saying, but repeating it constantly isn't going to make life better for either of us.

🔹Group C: If you think you are not wrong, or you want to stand on your firm view, Time out is best for further discussion

▪️ Time out

# Let your parents settle down and give yourself time to think over again. # Get out of the house if you can and spend time with your best friend. 

# If you are not allowed to go out of the home, try deep breathing exercise or listens to music to calm down yourself

▪️ Don't avoid conflict discussion.

# It seems easier to avoid conversation or solution as it reduces stress, but the pressure eventually build up to the exploding point

▪️ Envision a role reversal. 

# Before starting discussion, try this.

# To help you better understand your parents action, imagine yourself in her shoes talking to your own child.

# How would you have reacted in a similar fight with your child, would have taken same or different decision as parents. 

# Would you have tolerated words you said to your parents

▪️ Pick the right time for conversation. Select good time & place to talk.

▪️ Listen carefully to your parents thought.

# The only way to have fruitful discussion is to listen other persons em pathetically. 

# Even you don't agree with what being said, still listen empathy & carefully. 

# Avoid thinking about what you want to say in response.

Your response

# If you agree with your parents, say Yes to their solution. 

# Apologize if your behavior was wrong.

# If you don't agree with their solution, express your feeling. 

# Discuss your side of story in calmly, truthfulness & respectful way, so, they have a better understanding of what you want to persuade.

▪️ Figure out the solution

# Always use their experience as the part of solution

# Once solution is accepted by both, set a deadline & follow through

# Ask to monitor your efforts not the results as some parents insist on result.

▪️ Take help. If you feel overwhelmed, take help of trusted adult family member or mentor. A supportive adult may offer suggestions for dealing with the situation!

🔴 Always follow

▶️ Give your parents prior information like 

# Going to movie

# Not going to class with valid reason

# Breaking the rule once in a while

....................so that conflict can be avoided

▶️ Say how much you love them

# Hug them

# Sleep on their lap

# Help in routine house hold activities

▶️ Don't pull other incidence into the topic at hand. Don't bring what other sibling did or what happened in the past.

 Dr Ashish Agrawal, Pediatrician and expert in child behavior, education and developmental problems.

Ph: 8888126037, 7057551985

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